spoof

Richard’s Birthday

Joe Richards finished school when he was 18, and his father said to him, ‘you’ve passed your examinations now, Joe, and you got marks in them. Now go and get some good work. They’re looking for clever people at the bank in the town. The clerks there get quite a lot of money now.’
A few days later, Joe went to the bank and asked for work there. A man took him into a small room and gave him some question on a piece of paper. Joe wrote his answers on the paper and gave them to the man.
The man looked them for a few minutes, and then took a pen and said to Joe, ‘Your birthday was on the 12thon June, Mr. Richard?’
‘yes sir,’ Joe said
‘What Year?’ The man asked
‘Oh every year, sir,’ Joe said

An Old Lady

An old lady went out shopping last Tuesday. She came to a bank and saw car near the door. A man go out of it and went into the bank. She looked into the car. The keys were in the lock.
The old lady took the keys and followed the man into the bank.
The man took a gun out of his pocket and said to the clerk, ‘give me all the money!’
But the old lady did not see this. She went to the man, put the keys in his hand and said ‘Young man, you’re stupid! Never leave your keys in your car : someone going to steal it!’
The man looked at the old lady for a few second. Then he looked at the clerk-and then he took his keys, ran out of the bank, got into his car and drove away quikly, Without any money.

The lost Gloves

Miss williams was a teacher, and there were thirty small children in her class. They were nice children, and miss williams liked all of them, but they often lost lost clothes it was winter, and the weather was very cold. The childrens mothers always sent them to school with warm coats and hats and gloves. The children came into the classroom in the morning and took of their coats and hats and gloves. They put their coats and hats on hooks on the wall, and they put they gloves in the pockets of their coats.

Last Tuesday miss wiliams found two small blue gloves on the floor in the evening, and in the morning she said to the children, Whose gloves are these? but no one answered.

Then she looked at dick. Havent you got blue gloves, dick?she asked him

yes, miss, he answered, but those cant be mine. Ive lost mine.

Miss Green And Her Cupboard

Miss green had a heavy cupboard in her bedroom. Last Sunday she said, ‘I don’t like this cupboard in my bedroom. The bedroom’s very small, and the cupboard’s very big. I’m going to put in a bigger room.’ But the cupboard was very heavy, and miss green was not very strong. She went to two of her neighbours and said, ‘please carry the cupboard for me.’ Then she went and made some tea for them.

The two man carried the heavy cupboard of out of miss green’s bedroom and came to the stairs. One of them was in pushed and pulled for a long time, and the they put the cupboard down.

‘well,’ one of man said to the other, ‘we’re never going t o get this cupboard upstairs.’

‘upstairs?’ the other main said. Aren’t we taking it down stairs?’

Nop 12

Penguin in the Park

Once a man was walking in a park when he across a penguin. He took it to a policeman and said; "What should I do?" The policeman replied; "Take it to the zoo!".
The next day, the policeman saw the man in the same park. The man was still carrying the penguin. The policeman was rather surprised and walked up to the man and asked; "Why are you still carrying the penguin? Didn't you take it to the zoo?" The man replied; "I certainly did. And it was a great idea because the penguin really enjoyed it. So, today I am taking it to the movie".

2 Boys Lazy

Mrs jones did not have husband, but she had two sons. They were big, strongboys, but they were lazy. On Saturdays theydid not go to school, and their mother always said, please the grass in the gardenthis afternoon, boys The boys did not like it, but they always did it.

Then somebody gave one of the boys a magazine, and he saw a pictureof a beautiful lawn-mower in it. There wasa seat on it, and there was a woman on the seat.

The boys took the picture to his mother and brother and said to them look,that womans sitting on the lawn-mower and driving it and cutting the grass. We want one of the those

One of this lawn-mowers?his mother asked

No the boy said. we want one of those woman. Then she can cut the grass every wek.

Goat Jumping into Deep Hole

Two men were walking through the woods and come across a very big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep." One replied,"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and we will see how deep this hole is." Then they pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise "Geeez. That is really deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." After that, they pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. but no noise they heard.

Wow.. They were really impressed with how deep hole it was. They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss that sucker in this hole, it's must make some noise."

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. But, not a sound comes from the hole. Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole. The goat disappeared into the deep hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen. How could a goat jump into the hole? Then, not long after that, out of the woods comes a farmer. He seemed to seek something and asked to the two men, "Hey two guys... have you seen my goat out here?"

Feeling amazing with what they saw of a goat jumping to the hole, they answer straightly,"You bet we did! Craziest thing I've ever seen! A goat came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"

The farmer thought a moment and said, "That could not have been my goat. Because my goat was chained to a railroad tie." Then he left the two men.

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007
models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$80,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

Horseman In The Sky

Carter Druse was born in Virginia. He was a southerner. When the United States was divided by a terrible civil war, Carter decided to join the Union Army of the north.

He told his father about his decision to join the north army. His father looked deep into his son's eyes. "Carter, No matter what happens, be sure you always do what you think is your duty."

One sunny afternoon, Carter was sent to guard. It was his duty to be sure that no enemy soldier spied on. Suddenly, he saw a man on horseback standing on the huge rocky cliff. He held a gun in his right hand, and the horse's reins in the other. Unavoidably, Carter pointed his gun. Carter was calm as he pulled the trigger.

Soon after firing his gun, Carter was joined by a Union sergeant.
"Did you fire?" The sergeant whispered.
"Yes."
"At what?" The sergeant continued.
"A horse"
"Was there anyone on the horse?" The sergeant asked again.
"Yes."
"Who? " The sergeant kept asking.
"My father."

Abu Nawas and the King Aaron

The king wanted to test Abu Nawas’ smartness. So he invited Abu Nawas to the palace. “You want me, your Majesty?” greeted Abu Nawas. “Yes, you have fooled me three times and that’s too much. I want you to leave the country. Otherwise you will have to go to jail” said the king. “If that is what you want, I will do what you said” said Abu Nawas sadly. Then “Remember, from tomorrow you may not step on the ground of this country anymore” the king said seriously. Then Abu nawas left the king palace sadly.

The following morning the king ordered his two guards to go to Abu Nawas’ house. The guards were very surprised found Abu Nawas still in his house. He had not left the country yet. Instead leaving the country, Abu Nawas was swimming in small pool in front of his house. “Hey Abu Nawas, why haven’t you left this country yet? The king ordered you not to step on the ground of this country anymore, didn’t he?” said the guards. “Sure he did” answered Abu Nawas calmly. “But look at me! Do I step on the ground of this country? No, I do not step on the ground. I am swimming on the water” continued Abu Nawas.

The guards were not able to argue with Abu Nawas so they left Abu Nawas’ house and went back to the palace. The guards reported what they had seen to the king. The king was curious on Abu Nawas’ excuse not to leave the country. Therefore the king ordered his guard to call Abu Nawas to come to the palace.

Abu Nawas came to the palace on stilts. The king wondered and said “Abu, I will surely punish you because you haven’t done what I have said. You have not left this country”. The King continued “And now, look at you. You walk on stilts like a child. Are you crazy? The king pretended to be furious.

“I remember exactly what you said, Your Majesty” Abu Nawas answered calmly. “This morning I took a bath in the small pool in my house so that I had not to step on the ground. And since yesterday, I have been walking on this stilts. So you see, Your Majesty, I do not step on the ground of this country”. The king was not able to say anything.

Weight Loss Program Story

A man wanted to get the best and most defective weight loss program so he called a company and ordered a 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there’s a knocked on the door and there stand before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe. She dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes. She introduced herself as a representative of the weight loss company. A sign was around her neck. The sign read, “If you can catch me, you can have me.” So without a second thought, he took off after her. However, a few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gave up. The next four days, the same girl showed up for and the same thing happened. On the fifth day, he weighed himself and was delighted to find he had lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He felt satisfied and called the company and ordered the 5-day/20 pound program.The next day, there was a knock at the door and there stand the most stunning and beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. She was wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes. The sign around her neck that read, “If you catch me you can have me.” Well, he was out the door after her like a shot. This girl was in excellent shape and he did his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happened with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighed himself, he discovered that he had lost another 20 lbs. as promised. Again he felt satisfied with that program.
Then he decided to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. “Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program.” He replied;”Absolutely,I haven’t felt this good in years.” So the next day there was a knock at the door. When he opened it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes. The sign around his neck that read,”If I catch you, you are mine!!!”

"Nasreddin’s Coat

One day Nasreddin had been invited to the dinner party. He went to the party by wearing old clothes.

When he arrived in the party, nobody looked at him and nobody gave him a seat. He got no food in the party so he went home and change his clothes

Next he put on his best clothes. He wore his newest coat and went to the party again. The host at once got up and came to meet him. The host offered him the best table and gave him a good seat and served him the best food

Nasreddin sat and put off his coat. He put his coat and said; “Eat the food, Coat!” the hosts and guests were very surprised and asked Nareddin; “What are doing?” Nasreddin replied calmly; “When I came here with my old clothes, nobody looked at me. Then I went home and put on my best clothes. I came back in my newest coat and you all give me this best food and drink. So, you give food to my coat instead of me”. Getting Nasreddin's answer, they just shook the head.